Crap... My Vampire Sparkles

I've always wanted to write comedy. Unfortunately I'm too scared to do it because think I would offend someone and quite possibly everyone. At the very least, it's quite possible that what I write wouldn't be funny at all.

Comedy is a fine line and it's hard to hit. When I took a script writing class at Utah State, we discussed it quite a bit. One comment that stuck with me was the reason Bill Cosby was so successful. You see, Cosby made fun of himself before he ever made fun of anyone else. It essentially gave him license to rip on anyone because he'd already made fun of himself.

So, in the spirit of making fun of myself, here's a little secret about my writing that my writing group will verify as true.

Here's what I think my villain/vampire looks like:

And here's the way my natural inclination is to write said villain:

Notice the similarity?

Me either.

Sadly, I'm not Gail Carriger writing the Parasol Protectorate series where you can have a hilariously funny gay vampire. My vampires are true monsters. They kill for the fun of it and view people as nothing more than cattle. So why is it my natural instinct to write a vampire overly obsessed with his ruff? I want a threatening bad guy, not some fop that speaks with a lisp!