Zombies And Babies: A Comparison

Walking Dead Action Figure

Photo Credit: Dailymail.co.uk

Zombies

and

Babies:

A Comparison

I noticed a small infant walking recently and my writers mind commented how this innocent child had the unsteady gate of the walking dead.

And thus, this side by side comparison was born.

Zombies	Babies
Temperature
Varies depending on location. Influences include, but are not limited to: air temperature, humidity, wind speed, cloud cover, and Earth rotational axis (i.e. seasons).	Usually stable between 97 and 100.3 degrees Fahrenheit. If babies are sick, they will fluctuate out of this range.
Mobility
Zombies have varying degrees of mobility depending on the method of their creation. From shambling walkers to brain hungry speed freaks, zombies provide never ending guesswork when it comes to each individual undead. If zombies continue to decay, then it should be expected that their mobility will lower over time. I've always thought they would begin initially fast, but slow down as decay and depleted resources take their toll on the zombie.	Infants begin bearing weight on their legs at three months. By six, they're beginning actual mobility, whether it's crawling or scooting (a fascinating ritual where the child contorts various muscles in an effort to move, then hopes to have the mental acuity to remember said exertion). Babies begin taking their first shambling steps between eight to eighteen months. The steps are cautious at first, but build speed over time as muscle memory improves.
Hunger
Zombies have a never ending hunger for human flesh. Some legends state that braaaaiiiinnnsss are the food preferred by the living dead, in deference to any other organ or tissue. This drive forces them to shamble from one location to the next in an eternal search for their next meal. Zombies a capable of feeding themselves.	As with all humans, babies hunger can be satisfied with the proper feeding. The preferred food of babies is milk, specifically the milk produced by the female of the species. While chemical cocktails have been made to replicate this milk, babies cannot survive without these nutrients. Babies are initially unable to acquire their own food and must be fed by older members of the species. When a baby does become hungry, it has a built in alarm system to alert the parent figure that the necessary sustenance is immediately required.
Mental Capacity
This would also be influenced by how much braaaaiiiinnnsss the individual has lost before undeath. Zombies have generally lower mental capacity, allowing instincts for self-preservation (food, safety) to rule their remaining faculties. Some flesh eaters even bypass these base instincts in a quest for their next meal.	Babies have very diminished mental capacity initially, but rapidly alter this weakness by increased brain cell production that continues until late in their teens. Many parents have argued, this brain development is not fully complete until a self-sustaining job is acquired.
Odor
Zombies possess the distinct odor of rotting flesh. In addition to this scent, individual zombies may acquire additional aromas based on the locations they've moved through (i.e. sewers, subways, or someone's lower intestines).	Babies have the rare ability to change their scent. One moment they smell fresh and clean. The next, they're covered in substances in varying shades of green/brown with the consistency of paper mache paste. God help you if you run out of wet wipes now, because these odors come straight from Lucifer. As the infant grows, these scents are retained, but divide based on gender. Females will generally be well fragranced, while males will intensify their body's inborn ability to create noxious fumes (i.e. stink).
Attention Span
Zombies are attracted to noise and light, but these only stimulate them in their never ending search for food. Generally speaking, zombies will ignore anything 'out of sight, out of mind.'	Babies have an ever growing attention span. Shiny objects and items that make noise are of particular interest. While they may initially suffer from 'out of sight, out of mind,' they make up for this with an intense curiosity about everything (because everything is new).
Fear Factor
Anything that wants to eat you is going to make people run, regardless whether the predator is a lion or tax attorney. Granted, any tax attorney running at you--regardless of the temperature of their blood--is enough to strike fear in the stoutest hearts. The only survivable remedy is to place another tax attorney between yourself and the approaching litigator. During a zombie apocalypse, any warm blooded lawyer is a suitable buffer between anything coming at you.	Babies cause varying degrees of intense fear. While this fear is readily apparent in the singles community, this fear can also be seen in the eyes of those whose youngest offspring is within ten years of leaving the 'nest.' Many men in this stage of life will fear infants like, well, the walking dead. Some women are generally immune to this fear regardless of age or occupation, while some men carry irrational levels of fear.
Final Assessment
As detailed by the preceding comparison, zombies and babies have many initial similarities. These common ties widen as babies develop and zombies decay and rot. In fact, with the exception of body temperature, zombies and babies are frighteningly similar. This difference leads me to the only obvious comparison that was not performed: heart beat. Zombies have none and babies do. This inherent quality of babies separates them from zombies by the greatest margin. Were it not for the zombies lack of a sufficient cardiovascular system, zombies would still be considered 'human.' However, this was a comparison between zombies and babies, not pre-teens or young adults, so I can only ass-u-me that because there are so many similarities between zombies and babies, they are in fact one and the same. Don't believe me? Stick your finger in a teething baby's mouth. Them suckers bite.

The Art of Profanity

I don't like profanity. I can tolerate it in books (even enjoy it when it's well placed), but I personally--if ever--use it. When a 'choice word' does slip out, it's an event. Or I'm feeling awkward. Or lose my temper. Get cut off in traffic. Hmmm...

Anyway, when I began writing, this showed as a fatal flaw in my work. A memorable instance occurred when my main character, in a heated situation, called his mom a 'wicked witch.' This insult resoundingly fell flat with my writing group (none of them are heavy handed with artistic verbiage). Unanimously they said the proper word for this instance was, 'bitch.'

Was I wrong? Yeah, I kinda was.

You see, it all boils down to your audience. If your target is the middle-grade market, then little to no profanity is expected. A religious market? Probably the same. But the Young Adult market is going to expect a curse word or two. This doesn't mean the author has to use profanity, but it's permissible. My story was a gritty YA sci-fi/horror mash-up, so an arrogant little prick of a son, would be expected to call his mother a bitch. Not using that word made my character instantly unbelievable.

Chuck Wendig, an author known for cursing, once said that he would get letters saying he had too many F-bombs while simultaneously getting additional letters wanting more F-bombs. In the end, he wrote what was comfortable for him, and let his audience choose whether they read the books or not. Chuck follows the mantra of George Carlin, "My argument is that you don’t need paprika or oregano or a few other things to make a stew, technically, either — but you make a better stew. If you’re inclined to make a stew of that type, “seasoning” helps."

Ranking Profanity
In my writing group, author Jordan Ricks suggested that curse words had a severity ranking from 1 to 10. Words higher on the list would be much more severe, and thus, used less frequently if at all. So there's a better chance that I'll use a 'hell' (ranking number 2), in my writing, than take the name of God in vain (a 10). This ranking system would naturally vary from person to person. And if you're feeling so inclined, socially offensive words could be added to the list as well. These words, however, could define a character more than a paragraph of purple prose, but should still be used cautiously.

Many years ago, I had the opportunity to serve as an LDS missionary. A few of the young men in my mission were--what I would call--less than apostolic. Nineteen year old boys can sometimes go awry, so consequently, my mission president was famous for uttering the words, "Damn it, Elder," when counseling wayward missionaries. One of these missionaries happened to ask him, if his swearing wasn't wrong as well. My mission president's reply? "Sometimes I have to say, 'Damn it, Elder,' just to get a missionaries attention."

And he was right.

Swearing is closely akin to an exclamation mark, and if you think about it, that's exactly what it is: an exclamation of intensity. Author David Morrell explained this principle best in, The Successful Novelist (If you haven't picked it up, I recommend you do).

"If the passage absolutely demands cursing, be moderate. A little of it goes a long way. I've seen beginning writers pepper curse words through sentence after sentence.

'If you don't -blanking- get your -blanking-blank-blank- in to this house this -blanking- minute, I'm going to -blank- your -blank- and nail it to the -blanking- door.'

"Two things happen when I read this junk: I get bored and I get angry. I didn't pick up your book to read garbage. If this is as clever as you can be, I don't want to read your prose. In life if you met someone who spoke like this, you'd want to flee. Then why put this stuff on the page?

"As near as I can determine, this abomination occurs because a writer is corrupted by the awful -blanking- dialog that movies inflict on us these days. It's also a sign of insecurity. The writer wonders if the dialog is strong enough and decides a lot of -blanking-blank- will do the trick.

"Someone might object that this kind of dialog is realistic in certain situations--intense scenes involving policemen or soldiers for example. I can only reply that in my research I spend considerable time with policemen and soldiers. Few of them curse any more than a normal person would. This garbage isn't realistic. It merely draws attention to itself and holds back the story. Use it sparingly."

The Final Word
Writing is--as always--an art. Every artist is different, which is fortunate because art is completely subjective. From King, to Heinlein, to you, each author paints with a variety of words, molding worlds for readers to explore. Just as one drop of paint can ruin a Matisse, one ill-used profanity can stagger a story. Readers are the final arbiters of what will be ultimately successful, but remember the words of Ricky Nelson, 'You can't please everyone, so you've got to please yourself.'

Sleep Hygiene

My mom was in the hospital recently, and my daughter and I had the opportunity to camp out with her. We had a good time chatting and watching my mom hit on every guy that came by her room. Since she's 80+, this tended to be pretty hysterical.

Part of the reason she was in the hospital was because of problems with her medications, so before she was released the next day, the doctor talked with her about her medications. One of her pills is a sleeping pill meant to help her relax when going to bed. But my mom doesn't like the sleep medication because it screws up her day.

The doctor seemed a bit confused and after talking with my mom, she taught us a common sense term we all ignore: sleep hygiene.

What sleep hygiene is, is preparing yourself and your environment for sleep. It may sound simple, but as the doctor talked, I realized just how much I was sabotaging my own sleep. Take a look at these suggestions provided by our doctor. Almost all of them I break regularly.

• Schedule enough time to get about 8 hours of sleep
• Try not to nap during the day, or if you do, keep it under an hour
• Avoid activating activities before bed - things that get your heart rate up
• Signal your body that rest is coming by engaging in restful activities before bed like reading a book
• Don't watch T.V. close to bed
• Avoid caffeine and alcohol before bed
• Go to bed and get up at the same times every day
• Avoid eating before bed, or make it a light snack

Whether you're a writer or not, we all push ourselves pretty hard. Sleep loss is usually where we attempt to make up the difference. But science has proven that you can't 'catch up' on sleep. There is no 'sleep bank.' If you miss it, it's gone and your body has to struggle on without it. After enough time, our bodies can't maintain themselves with the level of abuse we're providing. Something will break.

The Challenge
For two weeks, maintain better sleep hygiene. After two weeks, evaluate your progress. How do you feel? Do you notice a difference? Do you fall asleep quicker? Do you still tire during the day?

Journal your results.

My Summer Flick Picks - 2014

I love the summer movie season, but since I rarely have the cash (and I'm hard at work with my writing, working in the garden, the day job), I have to prioritize my picks. Fortunately, this year only has a few gems this summer vying for my attention. And has anyone noticed that more releases seem to happen near the end of summer?

A Hollywood plot? You make the call.

Anyway, I'll be lucky to see two of the top five. Maybe even all five when they hit the dollar theaters. Depending on what the kids force into the list.

Here's my most anticipated summer movies.

#1 - Guardians of the Galaxy

Release Date: Aug 1

Watch the Trailer on YouTube

Comments:
This one excites me because it's the latest release from Marvel Studios and could rival The Avengers. The trailer hooked me in with comedy and sci-fi. Since my birthday falls on July 24th, I think this will make an excellent party.

#2 - The Maze Runner

Release Date: Sept 19

Watch the Trailer on YouTube 

Comments:
I really enjoy the Young Adult series written by James Dashner. It had the perfect mix of confusion and danger to really draw me in. Thanks to an amazing setting, this flick promises to live up to its literary roots.

#3 - The Fault in Our Stars

Release Date: June 5

Watch the Trailer on YouTube 

Comments:
While I haven't read this Young Adult book yet, my daughters loved it. They've reread it and dragged their friends--kicking and screaming--into reading it. And you know what? They liked it too. It's funny how YA books make such awesome movies.

#4 - Dawn of the Planet of the Apes

Release Date: July 11

Watch the Trailer on YouTube 

Comments:
I'll admit it. I'm a Planet of the Apes nut. More the originals of course, but the modern renditions have been renewing the franchise in interesting directions. The last film was decently done, so I'm excited to try this one.

#5 - Lucy

Release Date: Aug 8

Watch the Trailer on YouTube 

Comments:
Scarlett Johansson superhero movie. Yeah. After her kick-ass rendition of Black Widow in Iron Man 3 and The Avengers, you better believe this movie is gonna get my attention. Not only that, but it's sci-fi pitch is just too much to resist.

#6 - Blended

Release Date: May 23

Watch the Trailer on YouTube 

Comments:
After loving Sandler and Barrymore in The Wedding Singer and 50 First Dates, I was a sucker for this movie. Throw in Brady Bunch kid action and all you have to do is pass the popcorn.

#7 - Jupiter Ascending

Release Date: July 18

Watch the Trailer on YouTube 

Comments:
This one has a lot of potential, and the biggest chance of a flop. Created from the makers of The Matrix, it has a catchy log line that promises action and moral dilemmas. It's modern earth mixed with sci-fi, so I'm very interested.

#8 - The Giver

Release Date: Aug 15

Watch the Trailer on YouTube 

Comments:
Another film based on a book, this film has the potential for greatness... If it survives the film adaptation. A story of a Utopia that is really a distopia--depending on your point of view. After all, why would you want your humanity?

#9 - The Box Trolls

Release Date: Sept 26

Watch the Trailer on YouTube 

Comments:
I love stop-action animation (Wallace & Gromit), so naturally the trailer caught my eye. It looks pretty cute and is about a group of garbage dwelling creatures who raise an orphan. Feels like the Smurfs, but with more grime and better animation.

#10 - Edge of Tomorrow

Release Date: Sept 19

Watch the Trailer on YouTube 

Comments:
I like Tom Cruise in spy thrillers. But for some reason I've never liked him as an action hero, even more so, a sci-fi action hero. He almost seems type-cast for action roles that require a bit of emotional output. Either way, I'll be watching.

Your Turn!
That's it for my summer flick picks. Which films are you most anticipating? Anything I missed or that you'd recommend?

Review: On Killing

On Killing: The Psychological Cost of Learning to Kill in War and Society by Lt. Col. Dave Grossman

My Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

First off, I'll admit I'm a firm supporter of the United States Constitution's Second Amendment and of self-defense in general. Many people believe that means I drink the blood of kittens and babies on a regular basis, which couldn't be farther from the truth.

The Good

Nobody wants to kill. Period.

You don't believe me? Just read this book.

On Killing is a masterful study of the psychological aspects of humans who kill. It shows that humans psychologically go to great lengths to avoid killing, usually only performing the act after extensive training. When a life is taken, there is a mental cost that must be paid, and Dave Grossman discusses each of these at length.

He also discusses the various aspects of what makes killing easier (such as distance) and the unintentional training we provide our children.

The Bad
On Killing is at times very graphic. While the entire work is objective with scores of soldier's war stories, some are as horrific as they are sad. The war atrocities section and the accounts of soldiers dealing with the consequences of killing provide meaningful context into what should be the ultimate taboo.

The Spin
I read this book as a writer wanting to understand the impact taking a life had on someone. 'On Killing' delivered this in spades. But more than that, it provided a deeper look at the effect society has on individuals, especially soldiers, who are asked to kill.

On Killing offers a meaty read with a heavy dose of 'something to think about.' It's an important book and worthy of your time.

Going Deep

Recently I've been working on a short story. I won't go into details because I plan on submitting it to Writers
of the Future. And details mean disqualifications if the judges read them. While it would be incredible if any of the judges were actually reading my blog, it's far better to err on the side of caution. So 'nuff said.

The Heart of Darkness
I had an awesome idea: the emotional conflict between two characters.

       Well, 'duh,' you say, 'that's most stories.'

Yes, but remember, I can't go into details. May I continue?

       Right, heh, sorry.

Well,I'm still working myself through this little pickle, but it's something I can understand--through experience--both sides of the issue. But the story got 'high-centered' over an emotional reveal. The one character cares deeply (In a familial way) for the other, but he can't show it, mostly from machismo but also because of national security. This man does things behind the scenes to help and protect the other. The second sees the first as distant and aloof.

The problem I'm having is: 1)I keep falling from third into first person. This distracts the narrative and lets the second character hijack the story. And 2) the shift in point of view makes me really dislike the first guy, even though he's a great guy.

Just Write
My solution, so far, has been to write the scene several times, pushing myself through the scene. I can see the first character's emotion softening, which it really needs anyway. But more importantly, it may keep me sane to prepare the big reveal. The various drafts will eventually boil down to one, based on the comments of my writing group.

And the emotional reveal impacts the rest of the story.

The point is that I needed to think about it for a bit, chewing on both characters. Both characters are good guys, but the second can't see beyond his own trouble. The first sees everything and is fighting to protect the second. Seeing the strong emotions of the first, led me to writing a section from his perspective. It opened my view in to the deeper conflict.

Will this section survive the final draft?

I don't know. But it's moved me deeper into the characters and their story. And that's what writers do.