The Soundtrack of My Life

One of my cousins (Hi Kathy!) posted a comment on Facebook about a year ago, asking readers to post a song from the soundtrack of their lives. I've been giving it a lot of thought since then and boiled it down to this list of twenty-one songs, plus three extra for when I'm feeling a certain mood.

All of these song have some relevance to a particular moment in my life. Some of them were paticularly dark moments and a simple song helped me get through it. The sad thing is that I'm actually worried I've forgotten one that was really important to me.

Ahh... the gray hairs are getting to me.

Besides, something tells me, the longer I live, the longer this list is gonna get.

Without further ado, here is the soundtrack of my life. If you don't know a particular song, click on the link to listen to it on YouTube:

1. Star Wars Opening Title - John Williams (Star Wars)
2. The Wishing Song - Gonzo (The Muppet Show)
3. Believe It or Not (Theme to The Greatest American Hero)
4. You're Only Human (Second Wind) - Billy Joel
5. Hip To Be Square - Huey Lewis & The News
6. Cabaret - Liza Minnelli (Cabaret)
7. El Paso - Marty Robbins
8. Everybody Ought to Have A Maid - A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum
9. You Are The One - Mike & The Mechanics
10. Go The Distance - Hercules Soundtrack
11. It's Good to be King - Tom Petty
12. Movin' Out (Anthony's Song) - Billy Joel
13. Same Old Lang Syne - Dan Fogelberg
14. Mr. Cellophane - John C. Reilly (Chicago)
15. Corner Of The Sky - William Katt (Pippin)
16. Send In The Clowns - Judy Collins
17. I Am A Rock - Simon & Garfunkel
18. Fly Me To The Moon - Frank Sinatra
19. Paperback Writer - The Beatles
20. White and Nerdy - Weird Al Yankovic
21. Grow Old With You - Adam Sandler (The Wedding Singer)

Mood Music
You're Everything To Me - George Formby
Cuban Pete - The Mask Soundtrack
Brand New Day - Neil Patrick Harris (Dr. Horrible)

The Flip Side
So, if you could pick any songs from the soundtrack of your life, what would they be? Which songs or artists got you through the dark patches in your life?

If you had to boil your life down to just one song, could you do it?

Matrimonial Twenty-Five

The final day of the Memoir and Backstory Blog Challenge! Some days felt pretty rushed, but I got in all 25 days. Next year, I think I'll do what some of the others did this year: write little stories of memories from each year. They'll be a whole lot more entertaining...

Matrimonial Twenty-Five
I'm still going to school, but I'm sick of dating. My friends despair and start setting me up with girls, but none of them pan out either. Frankly, I'm to tired of being all peppy on a date. I just want to relax and be myself.

At work, I'm the assistant produce manager at Macey's in Logan. I want to move up, but I'm not entirely sure what I want to move into. I'm still recovering from my bitter feeling over my last relationship, when one day at work I see someone that catches my eye.

Meeting the Missus
I stop to chat with a lady I know from our hometown, who introduces me to her daughter. She just came home from an LDS mission in Italy. And... she's cute... with big eyes and a great butt. (Hey... I'm dealing in the truth here.)

So I find out more about her and ask her out. I don't think she had a very good time, but I failed to appreciate that she was still acclimatizing to life back in the United States. Worse still, she does something that my gentleman's ego regards as a cardinal sin: she opens her own car door instead of waiting for me to open it. I know... I know... but my parents had strict rules of behavior and I was taught to open doors for ladies. Even my sisters.

So I decided that the date was a bust and I wouldn't be seeing her again.

Logan, Utah LDS Temple

But... a few months later she began working in the snack bar at Macey's and I forgot the original reason I didn't ask her out again. She was still cute... and all... so I asked her out.

What followed was a non-stop date and whirlwind romance that ended with us being married in the Logan LDS Temple.

At one point in the temple there were three of us grooms waiting in a hall for our brides (there were a lot of weddings that September). A temple matron brought out three women and one was Katrina. The matron smiled to the brides and said, "Well, pick which one you want." For half a second I thought, "OH, CRAP, pick me!"

She did pick me and although we've put each other through hell, we've also experienced a lot of heaven.

And did you notice? She's a brunette! 

Tired Twenty-Four

The October Memoir and Backstory Blog Challenge continues...

Tired Twenty-Four
When I was twenty-four, I wandered through school, trying to manage the classes I had. I began taking classes that were more fun and even toyed with a theater arts degree. I took Script Analysis and Poetry Presentation, but still never found my niche. I even tried Landscape Architecture and Environmental Planning.

I did take two classes that I loved, even though they were only 1 credit each. The were Ballroom Dance and Skiing.

The Ski class was awesome and a friend of mine and I scheduled our classes so that we could jump in his truck at 11:30a and head for Beaver Mountain. The ski class offered what essentially was a half-day ski pass. So we'd hit the slopes a couple hours before class and ski our hearts out. I got a lot better, but I think my knees would kill me if I tried it now.

When I took Ballroom Dance, I saw a stunning woman. I realized she had the same last name as a friend of mine from my fraternity, so asked her if she was related to him. To my surprise, she was his sister.

It took me about a week to find out if she was dating anyone seriously and then I asked her out. I really liked her and was having a blast... but there was one problem.

I was still attached to my previous girlfriend and I'm not the kind of guy that can kiss two different women in the same day.

See... my girlfriend wanted to date other people. I didn't, but I knew I had little choice in the matter. Then I met my friends sister and asked her out. Now my girlfriend was upset because I was dating, but she wasn't. I was having more fun with girl #2 and my relationship with girl #1 deteriorated until we broke up.

It was a rough break up and after it was over, I decided I needed a little time. But I didn't want to stop seeing this new girl. She was funny and a kind of beautiful that I knew was WAY outta my league. I enjoyed her company so I let things settle into a steady... something. We didn't hold hands. We never kissed. What we were were best friends. I cared more for her then anyone else... but it never progressed beyond that.

When I finally did make my move, she was comfortable with our friendship and didn't want more. She still wanted to date me, but wanted to date others as well. It crushed me. I thought I could take it, but remembrances of my Dear John returned to me and I wanted to crawl into a hole and hide. Our ships had passed each other unaware.

I began avoiding her because it was just too painful to be with her... but not BE with her. What finally boiled out can best be seen in the movie, My Best Friends Wedding, which came out a few years later. I swear someone knew our story and made it into a movie. My wife bawled and said I should have married my friend. Me? I wondered why life had to take so many painfully educational twists.

Serious Twenty-Three

The October Memoir and Backstory Blog Challenge Continues...

Serious Twenty-Three
As I began my twenty-third year, I was longing for a serious relationship. I'd just gotten over the break-up from a girl I liked. We had both wanted other things. She wanted to be serious... just not with me. I wanted to be serious with her... but my feelings didn't matter. That's the way love is sometimes. It's nothing personal. It just feels like it sometimes.

After a trip with my parents and sister to Bryce Canyon, I met someone new. She was a friend of my sister and I was soon bowled over by her charm and humor. We dated for a long time, but I eventually lost interest. I can't even remember why now. I'm sure it was the usual story that the connection just waned.

I liked her... a lot. But coming to a crossroads, we decided to think about our relationship over spring break. She went with her family to California and I went with my friend on a ski trip to Canada. When we get back, she wants to get closer and I want to break up.

I tell her she'll always be a relationship that I'll regret walking away from. I hurt her, just as I've been hurt by others. It's not pretty and I hate myself afterwards.

College Life
I still working on my generals in school, but I try starting out in childhood speech therapy. The professor says upfront the the course is designed to weed out candidates, but I figure I can handle it. Three tests later with straight F's, I drop the course and have no clue what I want to do next.

The career exams say English, but I want to be able to have a more reliable income. It's another five year before my younger sister discovers Technical Writing and I follow her into the field. But the years preceding that... are full of uncertainty.

Life Begins at Twenty-Two

The Memoir and Backstory Blog Challenge continues...

Life Begins at Twenty-Two
When I got home from my LDS mission, the world opened up before me. The B-52s where really big for me now, especially their latest album: Cosmic Thing. I still don't know what I want to do with my life, but I figure I have a couple years of college before I have to figure that out.

Now was the time I was going to go to college and at some point, find my wife. I was still heartbroken from my Dear John, but now I could actually do something to fix that. Now I could find the brunette girl I'd seen in my dream.

That Burning Feeling
I have one funny encounter with my old flame. I was heading into the Old Main building at Utah State University and she was just coming out. My brain told me, "Hey! You know her." My face brightened and I said, "Hi!" Her face looked stunned and she squelched out a surprised, "Hi!" That's right about the time my brain fed me the information that this girl was the one who Dear Johned me and lied to our friends about it. "Bye!" I said as I breezed past her without looking back.

I'm sure it made me look tougher than I felt, but I did think it was pretty funny.

Dating
I began dating, but had crap for success. I went out with one girl a few times and thought things were going well... until she looked at me and said, "You're such a nice guy. You're going to make some girl very happy."

Uh... nice guy. Some girl... ah... not you.

I eventually did find a girl and settled into a relationship with her. She was raven haired and I really liked her sense of humor. Plus she wanted a serious relationship... just not with me. That was the point when things began to sour. She wanted me close, but she knew I wasn't the one. Eventually we walked away from each other, equally disgusted.

Timely Twenty One

The sisters being funny

NPS Photo by Peter Jones

Photo Source: Aggie Speleological Society

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The Memoir and Backstory Blog Challenge continues...

Timely Twenty One
The year I was building up to twenty-one, I was on the second year of my LDS mission. I was just overcoming the heartbreak from my Dear John letter and surviving a short hospital stay for food poisoning.


I also become really good friends with one of the sister missionaries, Sister Lane. She teaches me a little Navajo and I like the way she laughs. Maybe when I get home... but I can't think those thoughts right now.

The Wrath of God
I learned a valuable lesson on my twentieth birthday: don't tempt God.

See, I'd always wanted to see the Carlsbad Caverns and El Paso was a short, 3-hour drive from there. I expected to head North sometime during the next few transfers, so I got permission from the Mission President to go to the Caverns on my birthday. Nine of us set out that day and it was a blast! The caverns were more gorgeous than I remembered and we had all the fun of a road trip.

The tempting God part? Well... while I was in the gift shop I was getting some souvenirs for my family and the clerk, in fact ALL the clerks, were jerks. Geez, I thought, these people are jerks. I'm glad I'm not serving in this area.

So guess where I get transferred to? Yup. Carlsbad.

Areas of Service
I was transferred a couple months after my birthday, so I ended up only serving in two more areas during my last year: Carlsbad and Taylor Ranch.

Carlsbad is a small town in south eastern New Mexico. The nearest towns of note are at least an hour away, and Roswell is two hours. I meet some wonderful friends in Carlsbad and figure out that it must be the people in the National Park gift shops that are jerks. I also get to spend my last Christmas here, which is a plus because I have some lifelong friends here. I'm made a district leader, but the district is so small it's just our companionship and one other in a satellite town. I never get to go there. For all I know, it's bigger than Carlsbad.

My first companion in Carlsbad is named Casey and I felt like his older brother. Sometimes it felt like a love/hate relationship, but he was such a great guy the good times easily outweigh the bad. He's an outdoors man, and with my love of caves, we spend a lot of our time off out in the desert. Carlsbad has some really pretty country, especially if you like the desert. We hike a labyrinth cave and get lost. We drive out to Sitting Bull Falls and hike every trail there.

After New Year's, I get transferred to Taylor Ranch. It's a suburb of Albuquerque and lies on the west side of the Rio Grande. I'm five months late for the balloon festival in Albuquerque, but there's almost always a balloon in the air there. Sunday mornings I usually wake up to the roaring of a balloon passing over our apartment.

Photo Source: Kathy Teston

This was a hard area for me. While I love the people and the sights around Albuquerque, I get an extra dose of stress here. I'm promoted to zone leader and I'm now responsible for eleven other missionaries. Not to mention, my new companion is an arrogant jerk. Since this is the last six months before I go home, and even though I've loved my time as a missionary, I'm ready to go when my time is up.

Globetrotting Twenty

Loaded up for the M.T.C.

The October Memoir and Backstory Blog Challenge continues...

Globetrotting Twenty
Just after my nineteenth birthday I leave for the Missionary Training Center (MTC) for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Provo, Utah. I've been called to serve in the Albuquerque, New Mexico Mission. Part of me wonders what's in New Mexico.

I know my Uncle Blaine and Aunt Margaret live there... but that's about it. And isn't it a desert? One big litter box? Why didn't I go some place cool like London?

M.T.C.
The MTC is awesome and inspirational. I'm put in a dorm room with three other guys that are heading to Albuquerque too. We learn how to teach and meet people. For someone shy like me, it's an important lesson. The food is non-stop and I gain eight pounds in three weeks. I better slow down or I'm not going to fit in my suits.

Arriving in Albuquerque

Leaving Salt Lake City

The flight from Salt Lake City to Albuquerque is my first time on a jet and I LOVE it. We're greeted at the airport by the Mission President and his wife, President and Sister Nielsen. They're super nice and take us to the mission office for interviews. For lunch the AP's (Assistants to the President) take us to a local burger stand, Blake's Lottaburger. I'm instantly hooked on their chili burgers.

While we're waiting for our food, a cute, well-toned girl comes in and gets in line. Darkly tanned skin, straight black hair, black leather mini-skirt that can't go any higher, and a black tank-top with no bra. Since missionaries can't date and we're taught to be modest... this girl makes me think it's going to be a long two years.

City of Rocks near Deming

Areas of Service
I serve in three areas my first year: Deming, Belen, and El Paso, Texas.

Deming was hot, but awesome. They have pure water and fast ducks (just ask). The people there are my kind of folks. We get to know a lot of the rural farmers and even get to help them out on the farms and ranches. There is so much history and scenery to New Mexico that I never knew about and I'm... in the Land of Enchantment. (New Mexico state slogan... who knew?)

Photo Credit: Augusta Wind Press

In Deming I get to see a roadrunner playing with a cat like he's Wile E. Coyote. The roadrunner would run to the far side of a Yucca plant and let the cat sneak up on it. Just when the cat would pounce, the roadrunner would run to the other side of the Yucca and the whole chase scene would start over again. I tried to catch one myself... it flew onto a roof and ran away. Not a long flight, but why didn't anyone tell me they can fly?

I get to Belen in time for fall and winter. I have some very spiritual experiences there and love the members. They make being away from home for Christmas as painless as possible, but I'm still homesick. The phone call home makes it better, but like Dino says, "There's no place like home for the holidays."

Making tortillas with mi familia, Leo & Vivian

We go up to Santa Fe for New Year's Eve and I'm amazed how gorgeous that city is! The art and architecture is simple astounding.

In February, I'm sent to serve in El Paso, Texas. At that time, it's part of the Albuquerque mission, but I hear now that it's part of the Tucson mission. El Paso quickly becomes one of my favorite areas, although I think I've said that about all of them. I get to see softball sized hail and some of the greatest people I'll ever know.

Dear John
In May, I get Dear Johned by my girlfriend back home. She tells me that it was just a physical relationship and that I'll get over her. She says she's met someone else. I toss her blond headed picture into my trunk.

Getting a Dear John Critique Form from another missionary who's recently been dumped, I take her letter around to people I know and read it to them. They critique the letter and I mail all the forms to her. I use extra postage because the envelope is STUFFED.

She calls me on Mother's Day.
I answered the phone, expecting to hear my mom. "Hello?"
Her voice is excited. "Hi!"
I realize who it is and my voice drops to a monotone. "Hi."
"How's it going?"
"Fine."
... Silence...
"In case you're wondering, I'm getting married in August."
"Do you think I really want to hear that?"
"Well what do you want to hear?"
"I just want you to turn around and walk away. And don't look back, because I won't."
"Okay... Goodbye, Tony Dutson."
"Goodbye." And I hung up the phone.

It hurt worse than anything I'd ever experience. Humiliation and betrayal. And it was the gift that kept on giving too. When I got home I had lots of friends concerned that I'd called her all these terrible names on the phone. I'd laugh and say, "Yeah... that didn't happen."

"I didn't think that sounded like you," a friend replied.

If you're going to break someones heart, why be cruel? Isn't it more decent to make it as painless as possible?

But after it happened, I was more than despondent. For weeks everything hurt and I didn't care about anything. I couldn't feel lower. One night I stayed up and prayed to God that he would show me something so I could know things would get better.

That night I had a dream. In it, I was walking through the hall of a hospital and I came to a room. As I stepped inside, I saw a brunette woman laying in the bed. I was so happy to see her and filled with a rush of love for her. Then a nurse stepped up to me and handed me a swaddled baby. I knew that it was my son and my heart nearly burst as the love doubled.

The next morning, while some of the heartache remained, I felt significantly improved. I knew I would get through this and someone better was on the horizon. I just needed to be patient.

I do get one great thing out of my Dear John. When my mission companion and I go bowling one week, he tells me to imagine my girlfriends face in the pins sweet-spot and suddenly I can't miss. For the first time in my life I bowl a turkey (3+ consecutive strikes).

Nineteen in Waiting

Donald is better than Mickey

The October Memoir and Backstory Blog Challenge continues...

Nineteen in Waiting
I spend my eighteenth birthday party at Disneyland and the buildup to my nineteenth is ominus. At nineteen I want to serve a mission for my church. After I graduate, I have almost a full year before I'll leave. My friends encourage me to get a year of college in, but I'm sick of school and want to play.

I work and wait.

Hyrum Drug
My mom didn't want me to get a job in high school. She wanted me to focus on my grades. I, on the other hand, wanted some spending cash. My starting wage isn't a ton, but it's something I can play with. A little over a year later, I ask for a ten cent raise and get it. Now I'm rolling and making $3.65 an hour.

The work is fun and I do it all. Unloading trucks, running the cash registers, stocking the milk, repairing the soda machines, wrapping presents, inflating balloons, and cleaning the VCR's that the store rents. I even get to repair the damaged VHS tapes.

The Social Scene

Hanging out with friends at the dam.

There's nothing much to do, but I get it done quickly. I do my chores at home and go to work. When I'm off, I hang out with my friends, most of which are still in their senior year at Mountain Crest.

After chasing her for two years, I finally connect with the girl I took to my Junior Prom. We seriously date and think we're headed for marriage when I return home from my mission. I keep her by my side for almost every major event that year and my parents even take her with us on our family's vacation to Yellowstone.

At my mission farewell, I gush about how important she is to me. I really care about her and think she feels the same way. The truth will be revealed the following year.

Flying Eighteen

Business up front, party in back.

The October Memoir and Backstory Blog Challenge continues...

Flying Eighteen

After the high of my junior year in high school, my senior year had the portent of being epic. My final hurrah before leaping into the great wide open of life.

Cinderella at the Sock-Hop
The first school activity that year was a dance to welcome everybody back to another exciting year of school.

Yeah.

During the course of the night, I danced with a beautiful blond girl. It was a slow dance and holding her in my arms felt amazing. Anyway, the dance ended and we went our separate ways. I didn't know who the stunning Cinderella was, but felt desperate to know. Unfortunately, I didn't see her the rest of the night.

Fast forward to the next day. My friend and I head up to the school to get our schedules and do all the school pre-lim stuff. As we're standing in line, Bill says, "Hey, my sister said she enjoyed dancing with you last night."

I'm about to tell him I don't even remember seeing her there... when the other shoe drops.

The duckling, who never was ugly to begin with, had turned into a swan. No more kid sister here. She was a high school freshman now. The rest of the day I was in a state of shock. Heidi was still too young to date (we didn't date until we were sixteen in my church) and she was my friend's sister to boot. I still regret not getting to know her better, but she eventually married a German fellow I came to know and like.

The Intellect Behind Pooh

The Plays The Thing
My thespian skills are given a great workout this year, despite the fact I'm not trying hard enough. I'm cast as the Stage Manager in Our Town. My director, Ms. Pond, lets me know she picked that play specifically for me, knowing I could pull it off. I almost shame myself and quit 2/3 of the way through because I haven't spent enough time working on my lines. It's my beefiest role to date and I'm embarrassingly flippant about it.

I've got a heavy school load with AP History and AP English and my homework is suffering. I have to drop AP English and only pass regular English thanks to the help of a friend.

Our Town comes off well, but I still regret not performing better. Right after that, we gear up for Winnie The Pooh, where I'm cast as the know-it-all, Owl. We perform it for the local elementary schools and have a blast.

At the end of the year, I'm awarded the Departmental Award for Speech and Drama. I don't feel like I entirely deserve it because of my performance with Our Town... but I take it. Ms. Pond was great and I regret not having done better.

The Creative Type
One day, during my psychology class, the teacher brings in a palm reader. She explains to us what she does and how it tells certain things about us. She says she refuses to use her knowledge for predicting the future, only for telling us about ourselves. Most of us are skeptical, but her information ends up being surprisingly accurate.

Accepting the Departmental Drama Award

I'm one of the few chosen from the class for a closer reading and she looks at my hand. She says, "Huh. I can tell you're a really creative type, but you're really secretive about it. You probably go home after school and write short stories, but don't show them to anyone. Am I right?"

I'm pretty sure I crack my jaw when it bounces off the desk. "How the heck..."

She laughs and moves on to the next person. I don't know how she was that accurate, but she was.

This was also the year Mountain Crest High School has its first Creative Writing class. Mrs. Churchill is awesome and influences my writing to develop. Our final project is a fourteen page short story and unbeknownst to us, she has a college writing professor look at them. I'm one of two in the class that the professor recommends as 'suitable for publication.'

In addition to getting the Departmental Award in Drama, I also lettered in Debate by performing in Dramatic Interpretation and Improvisation at the competitions. I did 'alright,' sometimes placing but never taking any awards. Someday, I still want to win an Oscar...

Seventeen Rules

Pajama Game cast trying to decide who farted.

The Memoir and Backstory Blog Challenge continues...

Seventeen Rules
My junior year in high school was awesome. Since it was the 80's, you could even say it was totally awesome.

Crazy things did happen in the world that year. A nuclear reactor in Russia actually melts down and showers countries around the world with radiation. The wreck of the Titanic is found and the space shuttle 'Challenge' exploded after lift-off.

Mountain Crest Junior Prom

In my world, I get another part in the school play, Girl Crazy, and for the first time since 'You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown,'  I try-out for the school musical. It's one of the classic Doris Day musicals called, The Pajama Game. Despite my underwelming performance, I'm cast as the comedy lead--Vernon Hines. It's a lot of fun and makes me want to seriously be an actor.

During the first few months of my junior year I meet a girl that I develop a serious crush on and invite her to the Junior Prom. She isn't quite sixteen yet, but her parents make an exception since she'll turn sixteen a few months after the prom. I'm fixated on and off this girl for the next few years, but she breaks my heart and teaches me to be more guarded with my affections.

The following year I write the only poem I've ever written and kept:

[Untitled]
By A.V. Dutson

Late at night

Best. Teenage. Movie. Ever.

it seeps
into my dreams.
Twisted thoughts,
Painful stabs,
Sour colors.
It laughs
at my weaknesses
and burns all hope.
Where is that silver lining?
That pot-o-gold?
Can such torture be real?
What wicked soul created this devouring creature?
But am I awake or asleep?
For the nightmare rides in the day light as well.
The black abyss.
Feeding ever outward.
Hooked talons grasping for more.
But alas,
mortal man seeks to name the ghost, and gives it the sorry name called,
           LOVE.

Good grief... who knew I had such teenage angst.

Surprise Sixteen

Too cool for a picture at my surprise party.

The October Memoir and Backstory Blog Challange continues...

Surprise Sixteen
Sixteen had more changes in store for me. Up to that point, my parents hadn't allowed me to date. Sometimes that was a good thing and sometimes I wished I could have started dating sooner. I'm kinda glad I waited now. It prevented the obsession that girls would become for a while.

Surprise Drama
My parents set up a surprise party for me at my sister's house. I'm suckered out of the house by my mom who, 'wants me to ride over to Tene's' with her. For some reason she wanted me to change my clothes so I don't look like a complete slob...

The party is a complete surprise and all my friends are there. My mom even managed to get a girl there that I've been flirting over the phone with. It's a barbeque/movie/dance party and everyone is having a blast... except... the dream girl... who was flirting with me... but is now ignoring me and hitting on my friend.

What.

The.

Hell.

At sixteen, I get pretty angry and my friend, who didn't know the situation, is man enough to do some serious backpedaling when he finds out she is trashing me. I don't shed any tears for her, especially since I really hadn't got know her yet, but it was my party and I could cry if I wanted to.

Trek

Tired Survivors from the Pioneer Trek

After my sixteenth birthday debacle, I go with my church to the Pioneer Trek. Trek is a week long camp meant to give youth and their leaders a chance to experience the hardships and spirit of the early handcart settlers. Everyone is organized into families with a Ma & Pa leader looking out for us. It was an amazing experience. I learn a lot about myself and counting on others.

For instance, there is a point where they have this gentle hill that goes on for a long ways. The leaders come and kick all the men and boys off the handcarts and only let the women pull it up the hill. It's famously called the women's pull and is suppose to let the women understand the struggles pioneer women had when their spouse died or didn't immigrate immediately with them, leaving them to go on alone.

Watching those women fight the carts and the ruts in the road nearly killed me. I snuck to the side of the cart and began pushing the wheel spokes to help. The other boys jumped in with me, but pretty soon the leaders told us we had to back off.

Seeing I was... exceptionally... angry, my Pa stepped up to me and said, "I said you couldn't push the handcart." His eyebrows raised in hidden meaning.

Since I'm a little slow on the uptake, he adds, "I didn't say anything about what was IN the cart."

All us boys suddenly get the hint and have the girls stop the cart. We proceed to take anything heavy... Well that's not entirely true... We emptied the whole cart and carried it all up the hill. The girls, now with a lighter load, had a much easier time dragging the cart up the hill.

After seeing what we had done, every man and boy emptied all the other carts to help the girls. Was I wrong to take the challenge from them? I don't think so. And it wasn't just because they were girls either. Seeing anyone struggle the way they were would have kicked in my Galahad complex.

I was raised to have respect for all people, but this was the first time I'd seen women doing something really hard. Fighting to make a goal and I was powerless to help them. It gave me a greater respect and admiration for them.

Delicate flowers? Sure. But don't ever get in a woman's way when she's got something to do.

Older Women

While I'm still active in the drama club, I begin taking a bigger part in the debate club. A lot of my friends are in there and I can still do Dramatic/Humorous Interpretations and improv at the debate meets, so life is good.

I even begin drawing the attention of some of the older girls in debate that... uh... think I'm cute. One girl brings almost the entire senior debate team to my debate class to point me out.

She points at me from the doorway. "That's him."
Their eyebrows raise in acknowledgement. "Ohhhh."

What do you say to something like that? Despite my having been a little Casanova when I was young, now I'm actually quite shy. And cute girls? Forget about it. I get so tongue tied I'm embarrassed. One of the pretty older girls sat next to me on the bus from one of the debate meets. While the bus rolled through the dark night I feigned falling asleep. She put her face inches from mine, waiting for me to turn my head. Even coaxing me to turn my head. She was cute. She was older. She was so forward it intimidated me.

When I think of that memory today I want to slap the back of my head and quote a line from, It's A Wonderful Life.

"Oh... Youth is wasted on the wrong people."

Freshman Fifteen

The October Memoir and Backstory Blog Challenge continues...

Freshman Fifteen
I've finally make it to high school. Sure I'm a dreaded 'freshman,' but I don't care about that. I've had three brothers and a sister and high school was when they became adults. So I'm glad to have arrived.

The school is brand new, so even the seniors are new at the school. There's really no hazing because we're all trying to find our niche in the new place.

The Next Big Role
I try out for the school play and land the role of Count Mountjoy in, The Mouse That Roared. I'm really looking forward to doing this play and the roll feels like something I'm going to enjoy hamming up.

Count Mountjoy, adviser to the Queen

Unfortunately, the director is terrible at managing the production. He directs well enough, but two nights from curtain we only have a limited set. And the set we do have is a hodge-podge of items that look... bad. The seniors get the cast together and we have a vote and decide to go on strike. We sit down with the director and make our demands.

We'll handle our costumes and he'll get the set together. If we don't have a set in twenty-four hours, we walk. He agrees and set construction begins in earnest. By show time, the paint is dry and the show goes on.

Amazing World News

There was one bit of world news that stunned me that year. A Japanese soldier from World War II finally surrenders in the Philippians. The war has been over for nearly forty years, but he's been continuing the battle in the mountains, occasionally killing a local. He ignored leaflets telling him the war was over, thinking it was a trap.

Probably thanks to the movie Wargames, and our President Ronny Ray-Gun, my friends and I are really into war board games, especially Risk. Then again, we play a fair bit of D&D too. And Clue. Monopoly. 10-4 Good Buddy. Scotland Yard. Hmmm... Maybe it's better to just say we play a lot of games...

Growing Fourteen

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The World at Fourteen
The eighties were well underway. CD players came out this year and record players start heading the way of eight-tracks. Michael Jackson releases his Thriller album and music video. The song is great, but I'm more impressed with Vincent Price and the zombie dancers.

The last episode of M*A*S*H comes out and I set up a goodbye party. Only my family shows up, but we have a good time. It's gotten to be my after school habit of watching the reruns and have gotten pretty hooked. The writers do a great job summing up the entire series, the sorrow and tragedy of war mingled with the joy and happiness of friendship.

President Reagan announces the Star Wars Missile Initiative and I think it sounds like a good idea. I can't figure out why anyone gets upset about a defense system designed to shoot down missiles shot at us. Either way, it's named Star Wars... so I approve.

South Cache Junior High
With the construction of the new high school, this will be my last year at South Cache. We're asked to vote on the mascot and colors. We're going to be Mustangs and wear blue and orange. There are good and bad things about junior high, but I'm looking forward to getting into high school.

My locker partner keeps calling me chubby and I repeatedly want to punch him. I still haven't hit my growth spurt, but my body keeps holding onto a little padding like it's going to happen any day now. Someday I'll be six feet tall and pound him in the ground.

Ed note: Okay... I only make it to 5'6" and was glad to get there. My growth spurt came between my sophomore / junior year and I shot up four inches. I gained another two after high school.

For the first time in my life, I get straight 'A's in English, thanks to the teacher allowing extra credit for reading and new vocabulary words. I like unique words and as my books stack up, my grades soar.

There's no school play that year, but I pick up some minor roles in our church musical, State Fair.

Schools Out!

The beach at Hyrum Dam (Reservoir)

When the last day of school comes, I jump into my swim trunks. Being June 2nd, my friends and I have planned to head to the beach at Hyrum Dam after we sign yearbooks. Maybe we'll even go jump off of Big Toe (view the film--it's cool). When I look out the window though, I'm stunned. There is at least two inches of snow on the ground.

Heh. Well, I think, it'll all be melted by noon and then we can hit the beach. Most of the snow does melt by noon, but it's still too cold for beach babes.

It's the last day of Junior High, but I'm already moving on with life and dreaming of high school.

Linus at Thirteen

This year's show to watch!

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Linus at Thirteen
My thirteenth year saw me leaving elementary school and entering 7th grade at South Cache Junior High. It was a big world and kinda scary. I wondered where the playground was and was shocked... shocked... to learn they didn't even have recess there. What kind of savages was I dealing with?

I soon found some of my friends from Lincoln elementary and they introduced me to some new friends. These new friends signed me up to play a game during our lunch breaks that I'd only played a little before that. The game was Dungeons & Dragons and like so many others, I was captivated by its tales of monsters and heroes. What's more, I could BE the hero. How cool is that?

My Blanket and Me

'You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown' at South Cache

Auditions started for that years school play, 'You're A Good Man, Charlie Brown.' My mom helped me work on my lines the night before and I stayed after school for the auditions. Talk about awkward. I was a 7th grader going up against 8th and 9th graders. They looked at me like moldy gym shorts.

We were asked to read lines and then the assistant director had all the boys line up along the stage. Most of the guys sat on the stage, waiting for the next step, but uncomfortable as I was, I couldn't sit down.

"Okay, guys. Everybody stand up," the assistant director said.

The guys slid off the stage and stood.

As the directors looked at us there was some heated words and pointing in my direction

"Tony," he shouted, "Stand up!"

Flustered I blurted out, "I am standing."

The auditorium burst into laughter and the assistant director realized I wasn't being obstinate, just short. I laughed along with everyone else even though I was pretty embarrassed. It was worth it though. I got the part of Linus and for the first time, tread the boards with my very first serious role. What's more, I made friends that I never would have discovered if I hadn't thrown myself out there.

Developing Twelve

This year's show to watch!

 The Memoir and Backstory Blog Challenge continues...

Developing Twelve
Turning twelve, saw some interesting development in my life. After catching the theater bug the previous year, this year I signed up for our church's musical and played all the small rolls that required a random kid. It was called, Within These Walls and showed the lives of the pioneers and immigrants who came to Utah.

As I began sixth grade that year I had a great teacher named Mr. Holt. He was the first male teacher I'd ever had, but my success in his class was from more than gender. Yes, he was sensitive to everyone's needs, but his teaching style drew out our minds and let us develop towards our own interests. Well, I found art and reading in his class.

The thing I liked most from his class was the reading time right before lunch. Mr. Holt would read from a book and we would draw art about it. Well... we could just listen, but I preferred to draw. Thanks to Mr. Holt's reading time, I became deeply hooked on the Choose Your Own Adventure books and began collecting them. I only got 13 from the series, but I did pick up another nine from copycat series, particularly the Dungeons & Dragons ones. My favorites were The Cave of Time and Return to Brookmere.

Getting Ordained a Deacon at Twelve

At twelve, life changes for the kids who are members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. The boys and girls leave their Primary classes (children's Sunday school) and move into the Young Men and Young Women program. For me this also meant being ordained a Deacon in our church. It felt like a big responsibility and I hoped to live up to it.

The Striped Cat
In the fall of that year I also had an unfortunate encounter while out feeding our dogs. My dog Zip, chased a cat under my dad's old Rambler station wagon. He began barking like crazy, so I got down and started pulling him out. Suddenly Zip yelped and began backing out. It was then I noticed that he hadn't corned a cat... he'd corned a skunk.

We both turned tail, but the damage had been done. Zip had been sprayed enough he was doomed to spend the day outside. Thinking I'd been missed, I went to school. But before class could begin, my friends noticed the faint whiff of skunk and in five minutes, I was given permission to head home.

Along the way I was stopped by a deputy sheriff who, no doubt, thought I was being truant.
His cruiser slowed to a stop and he rolled down his window. "Where ya headin'?"
I ducked my head and began walking towards him. "Home. I got sprayed by a skunk."
Eyes wide, he began rolling up his window. "Well, stay over there."
He drove away without saying anything else.


Star Wars on NPR
Since I was a big Star Wars geek (and in those days, geeks were synonymous with nerd), when I heard NPR was presenting a radio drama based on Star Wars, I nearly flipped out.

My brother was serving an LDS mission so I would sneak into his room (his room was still off-limits) and turn on his stereo (post eight-track--turntable and cassette). The soft glow of the green console was cool and I would sit on the floor and listen in rapt attention to the weekly episodes. After a few weeks, I can remember going in one day to listen and being quite angry that Star Wars wasn't going to be on that day. Ronald Reagan, the current President of the United States, had been shot and the only thing NPR was doing that day was discussing the assassination attempt.

I knew I should feel bad for President Reagan, but couldn't NPR have waited one more day, even one more hour, to talk about it?! It's not like anyone knew anything at that point anyway.    *Grumble*

Influencial Eleven

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Influential Eleven
My eleventh year proved to be very important in my life. Before I would turn twelve, Mount St. Helen's would lose it's cool and the world would continue to try to unravel the Iran Hostage Crisis. Today I wonder if we're reliving 1979.

But in my corner of the world, I entered fifth grade with Mrs. Funk, a young, pretty woman who changed the course of my life. I doubt she even knows how.

Writing's Emergence
In October of that year, Mrs. Funk had a Halloween writing contest. The winner got a gingerbread house (made out of graham crackers) that was all decorated for Halloween. Not only that, but the winner got to read their story in front of the parents and school at the play our class was putting on for Halloween.

The prize was amazing, but this was the first chance I'd ever had to enter a writing contest. I wanted to win. I wanted to win so much that I stayed after school, in my desk, writing. Now, you have to understand, I never stayed after school unless it was compulsory. And I think Mrs. Funk was a little surprised to see me, a less than stellar student, working so hard.

So I finished my story and turned it in.

First Taste of Theater
Then the second biggest influence of my life slammed into me. Mrs. Funk began having try-outs for the play we were going to do in front of the school. I was nervous, but I really wanted to do it too. Imagine my surprise when I was cast as the Green Goblin... or was it Mean Goblin... Well, I was cast as the cool bad guy. Okay... as bad as any character at that age.

When the day came to announce who won the writing contest, Mrs. Funk had a tough time telling us. She didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. It was killing us and we all urged her on. I knew I wouldn't win, so when she called the name, I looked around like everyone else to watch the winning kid go up and claim his/her prize.

It took a moment for me to realize she had called my name.

Totally embarrassed, I walked to the front of the room where I read my story for the entire class. It was the first 'serious' work I'd done and I'd actually won. But more than that, my story was being enjoyed by more than just me. It was very heady stuff.

Random Memories
There were other things from that year that I can still recall. I remember reading Call of the Wild while everyone else was reading chapter books. Mrs. Funk repeatedly checked on me, concerned that I'd bitten off more than I could chew. But I assured her I was enjoying it. Who doesn't like a good dog story?

I remember a lot from that year. I remember telling a girl in my class that she had fleas (a version of cooties) and feeling terrible about it later. I remember taking my action figures (not dolls) to show-n-tell, especially Twinkie and Buck.

At the end of that year, Mrs. Funk transferred to another school and was gone. When I think of those days, I still sigh. Grateful for what I learned and amazed what life still had in store.

Memories of Ten

Superman Rocks!

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Memories of Ten
The world gets a little more crazy as I finish my first decade. Iran spins out of control touching off what becomes known as the Iranian Hostage Crisis. It's been over thirty years since then and Iran is still causing problems. I'm worried they always will.

The biggest man of them all, John Wayne dies this year. I have few heroes in my life. Humphrey Bogart, Jimmy Stewart, and Anthony Quinn are some of the best. But John Wayne... Well, he was a father figure type. He played tough characters, but in his eyes I could see a sensitive man. Oddly enough, the parts he plays reflect that. The tough S.O.B. with the heart of gold. My favorite quote by him is, "Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway." It helps me when I want to hide. Sometimes...

What Do You Want to Be?

In school one day, our class and two others join together to talk about careers. I especially remember the discussions about police officers and firemen. One by one we go around the class and say what we want to be when we grow up. There are an inordinate amount of police and firefighter wanna-be's. I think about just using one of those, but decide against it. I mean... they're cool and all, but I want more.

This years show to watch!

As the teachers turn to me, I matter of factly say, "I want to be rich."

All of the teachers erupt in laughter. Kids say the darnedest things and all that. But then they look to me as if to say, "No, really. What do you want to be?" I can't remember what I said, but it was meaningless. I might even have said, 'policeman.' But being rich didn't seem like such a bad thing to be. Someday I'd still like to try it.

My First Playboy
My dad was often fond of telling one of my more embarrassing stories all over town. It concerned my first contact with Playboy magazine.

One day after school, my friends and I were doing the usual (playing Star Wars or riding bikes). We happened to notice that my friend's brother and his friends were acting kinda sneaky that day, so my friend went to see what was going on. Apparently, one of the older boys had gotten his hands on a Playboy and they were checking it out.

Well, my friends were suddenly interested and a chase ensued to get a peek at the lurid pics. I soon lost interest because I knew that it was something I wasn't suppose to look at, so I went home.

At home my dad realized I was home awfully early and being kinda quiet.
"I thought you were going to Dave's to play."
I shrugged. "Yeah."
"Something wrong?"
Now all I could do was shrug.
"What happened?"
"The other guys were looking at a Playboy."
My dad's eyes went wide. "Did you look at it?"
"No."
I can see the curiosity forming on his face. "Why not?"
I shrug again. "I thought that was only for Catholics."
At that point, my dad turned red with laughter and spent the next few minutes discussing Catholicism and pornography with me.

How I ever associated the two is beyond me, but between wanting to be rich and thinking Catholics were into porn, apparently my tenth year was the time for making adults laugh.

Grind at Nine

Riding our pony, Taffy

The October Memoir and Backstory Blog Challenge continues...

Grind at Nine
I start third grade this year and my teacher is Mr. Everett. He's pretty strict and pulls the little hairs on the back of my neck when I don't do my math homework. And believe me, I hate math. The funny thing about Mr. Everett, years later I meet him in a college class and we hang out all the time. He ends up becoming one of my favorite teachers from the past.

I talk my parents into letting me join orchestra since I think the violin is cool. I make friends with another kid named Travis who is playing the viola. I hate to practice and it takes three more years before I give it up. My kids want to do orchestra now and I get a nervous tick.

My Mom and Dad get their first color t.v. and we celebrate by watching the pilot episode for Battlestar Galactica. The show begins with splashes of nebulous color and ominous narration before bursting onto the screen with a killer anthem and flying spaceships. I feel the sci-fi morphine shoot into my system and I'm instantly addicted. The next week, my friend and I argue over who gets to be Starbuck and who has to play Apollo.

Still jazzed for more Star Wars, life begins to drift by. The evening news, which I like to watch, is crazy.

• A preacher kills all his followers with poison Kool-Aid. There are almost a thousand dead and I wonder why he did it. My favorite Kool-Aid flavor is grape, but I don't know how you poison it. I do know, however, how to put twice as much sugar in it and it tastes super-fine.
• A nuclear reactor almost melts down at a place called Three Mile Island. Everyone is pretty scared, but nobody knows what a meltdown means or if the island is really three miles long.
• The orbiting space station known as Skylab begins to fall back to earth. I still remember the old joke, 'The Skylab is falling! The Skylab is falling!' My kids don't even know who Chicken Little is...

Life Changing Eight

A Star Wars Christmas

The October Memoir and Backstory Blog Challenge Continues...

Tony The Great Is Eight
Those are the words my mom writes on my birthday cake that year. At eight, my world gets a whole lot bigger.

First, I see a trailer for a movie that will change the way I think about everything. My friends are the first to see it and can't stop talking about it. I'm forced to play Ben Kenobi and sit out halfway through the game. After relentlessly pleading, my parents finally manage for us to go.

The film is Star Wars and it rocks my world.

I get baptized into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and want to be like Jesus. I'm not a bad kid, but I know Jesus is definitely someone I want to follow. I save my pennies and give them to the Primary Children's Hospital. After my baptism, I go to my friends birthday party at the Logana swimming pool. We love the slides and share terror stories about kids who lost their foam mats coming down the slides and have huge chunks of skin removed from their bodies. We've never seen it happen, but watch and wait.

World Events That I Notice
Later that year a man with a flashy suit and good music dies. He was the king, but still dies at 42. I'm older than that now and it makes me sad to think of dying a year ago. People say you can still see Elvis every now and then.

President Carter signs away the Panama Canal. It seems strange to me since we built it. Carter likes peanuts. I like peanuts.

A company called Atari comes out with a 'video game system' and I really want one. The closest I ever get is my friend Mike's. Mike doesn't let me play much, but I can watch him play as much as I want. I go home to play with my new Darth Vader action figure.

More good music came out that year. Saturday Night Live is released by the Bee Gees and disco is Dyno-mite! My parents never would get me a disco ball for my room. I still kinda want one, but now I'm too tired to put it up.

Serial killers got big press that year too, but the Hillside Strangler and Ted Bundy were finally caught.

Lucky Seven

Click to Watch it on YouTube

 The October Memoir and Backstory Blog Challenge Continues...

Lucky Seven
When I turned seven the new bicentennial quarters were out: a revolutionary with a tri-fold hat, banging on a drum. They were cool and I tried to save the ones I found thinking they were collectable.

Gerald Ford was the President of the United States and I thought he seemed like a nice man, but was old. I can remember being at a friends house and the presidential debate was on. My friends father asked me which one I liked. I told him I thought Jimmy Carter looked like a nice guy. He told me Carter was an idiot and would be terrible for our country. It took me years to learn why he was.

The world seemed to be a place of unrest. An American ambassador was killed in Lebanon. The grown ups didn't like that much.

I remember hearing that a dam collapsed in Idaho and was worried that my grandma (who lived a block away) might get hurt, so my mom let me run to her house to warn her.

Gordan Lightfoot released a haunting tune based on an actual ship wreck and it was the first time I remember being captivated by music. Whenever it came on the radio I would rush next to the speakers to listen closely to the sad tale of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Perhaps this was where I learned the power an emotional story, well told, can produce.