Stagnation

When 2015 began, I just knew it was going to be my year. I'd placed (2nd and 3rd) in first chapter contests in 2012 and 2013, and in 2014 I merited an honorable mention in the Writers of the Future contest. I'd kept busy--not Kevin J. Anderson busy--but I'd managed to finish two rough drafts for two novels. So, with the expectation of completing my two novels and writing another submission for Writers of the Future, 2015 was going to be my year.

Then nothing.

Well, not nothing really. I did write another submission for Writers of the Future, but it was soundly rejected. And truthfully, I knew it would because it had a downer ending. Those never play well. As far as my novel rewrites were concerned, I piddled around with them, but never really got any traction.

So 2015 came and went. No awards. Nothing really to show for it. Hell, my last blog post was even almost a year ago.

Excuse my language, but that REALLY chaps my ass.

I've spent the year watching my friends succeed. Releasing book after book. Cover reveals, book signings, writing retreats. ARG! I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore! 

Did I have 'reasons' for failing? Sure, but since I'm exceptionally hard on myself, I classify them more as 'excuses.'

When the year began, a change in my work schedule opened a full four hours every morning for writing. This was incredible and for several weeks I lived in writerly bliss. But my wife and I have been poor with our money. With several debts long overdue, I signed up for the 'Overtime Desired' list at work. Unfortunately, the same change in my work schedule installed a boss at my work who saw overtime as a daily occurrence--whether there was work to do or not. My writing time dwindled based on how many hours extra I'd worked the night before, sometimes two, sometimes four. With complications from my depression and Generalized Anxiety Disorder (GAD), I burned out very quickly. The writing fuel that kept me going was no longer sustaining me.

But as I've said, these are all excuses for me. Sometimes I managed to sneak some writing in, sometimes I didn't. And if I'm being honest, I was lazy with managing the time I did have.

SO!

New changes are coming. I plan on using my blog to keep me honest. I'm going to try to write smaller posts so that the blog doesn't absorb too much precious writing time, but my posts will be more aimed at my writing journey. For instance, I've decided to make Wednesdays (maybe Sunday would be more appropriate) my 'Writer's Confessional' day. Those days I'll discuss my failings from the last week and my plans to succeed in the next week. It'll even help me keep up on my IWSG posts. So come back on Wednesdays and confess your writerly sins.

Public shaming will hopefully keep us going.

I still want to write a weekly book review, and I have a few other ideas in the works for adding to the writing community, but for now, I've gotta get moving.

The fear of death--of failure--is driving me insane.